Second Wind
by La Copine
Summary: Everything dies. I've know that for years, but when it was suddenly my turn I saw all of the loose I ends I'd left behind. After being reborn in this miraculous place, I'm going to try my hardest to fix the problems I'm responsible for; even if it's from a world away.
1. The Prologue

I could barely lift my arm when the nurse came in to change my IV. She checked my other tubes and all the other machines I was hooked up to before leaving. I watched her retreating back, she never said a word. Not many of them did: one step in here and you could practically smell the death.

My mother looked up from her newspaper and looked at my black and blue arm, biting her lower lip and closing her eyes. I assumed it was to keep her tears in. I had known that she'd cried throughout this ordeal, but she had never once cried where I could see her. Which was good, because I'm sure crying with her would exert the last of my strength, which I needed so dearly.

"Do you need anything, sweetheart?" she asked once she regained her composure.

I answered the same way I always do. "Water."

She grabbed a small glass of ice water by the bed and put its straw to my lips. The doctors said to give me room temperature water to conserve my calories, but after I told them I didn't really give a shit and that I was dying anyway, they got off my back. My boyfriend, Gabe, was asleep at my feet. He had his hand closed around one of my frail hands and his mouth was slightly open. I owe so much to him, and he was so certain that I would heal and be able to pay him back. He is too sweet for his own good.

I knew that my time was coming to an end. And soon. I can't eat anything without it immediately coming back up and my skin is bruised everywhere. I have maybe a handful of hairs left on my head. I know how ugly I must look and so I am further amazed that he is still able to love me and smile for me as my hourglass runs out.

There is no name for whatever I have. When I first began to get sick, my doctor at first thought it was AIDS, but after some blood work it was soon seen that my body was just… Dying.

"Was there anything unusual that happened before your illness?" the doctor had asked after breaking the news. "Anything at all that you ate or touched that could be making you sick?"

'Yes!' I wanted to shout, gripping the edge of the examination table. 'Yes, I know what it is.'

I had found it in the woods behind my house while walking my dog, Marty. We were on a particularly isolated trail when I saw a weird, perfectly round stone sitting in the middle of the path. I picked it up and brought it to a stream to wash it, when the mud melted away and I saw it was glossy and pitch black with a vein of crimson shooting through it. Marty wasn't on a leash, but he kept his distance from me as I held it, occasionally yipping and shaking his bottom like he was scared.

I sat with it for a moment, gazing into its depths, when I felt every muscle in my body suddenly contract. My fingers squeezed onto the obsidian and my eyes were locked onto the center of it, were its crimson contents began swirling like a slow and powerful storm. It was then I realized that it was absolutely fucking evil.

Even though it scared me and I knew that it was capable of extreme harm to myself, I couldn't consciously make myself leave it in the woods. If I set it on the ground and tried to walk away, my footsteps became heavy and I found myself scratching my arms till they bled from anxiety until I went back for it. From the start it had a firm hold on me.

So when my doctor asked me if there was anything suspicious in my life, I struggled with what I was going to say. How do I describe this object? A black obsidian sphere from hell that watched me when I slept and now was trying to kill me? Would he think I was losing my mind?

"Nope," I finished quietly, defeated. "Nothing at all."

At this very moment, I could look over from my hospital bed, through all the tubes and liquids, and see that damn sphere sitting by my window. I hated it so fucking much. But I couldn't stop myself from begging for it to be brought to the hospital. Looking at it nourished me like nothing else could. It was madness, I realize. And I was going mad, carrying the weight of the obsidian sphere with me and being its keeper. My mom and Gabe just saw it as me grieving.

I felt my eyes begin to droop shut and I cursed myself. I should be stronger than this, but I don't know how to fight something that planted itself inside my mind like this. My eyes closed and images came to me like an electric shock. I was startled awake.

My mom put her paper to the side and grabbed my free hand. "You alright, honey?"

"Yeah," I gasped, my chest heaving. "My dreams are just really vivid nowadays."

"What do you dream about?" she asked, stroking my face.

I looked at my loving mom. Her hands were calloused from a life of hard work, but her eyes were always soft. She had raised me single-handedly and put me through veterinary school. She was my absolute favorite person in the world; always gentle and full of laughter. She continued stroking my face.

I regretted a lot of things in my life, but I felt the worst about breaking her heart like this. I pulled away from her warm touch and to stare at my lap; guilty for hurting her.

"When I fall asleep, it's like I'm waking up somewhere soft. From where I am I can see these really, really beautiful people. They're all looking at me." I paused; it was hard to continue. I knew what I was seeing. "Everything looked white."

I tried not to look at her as I heard her start sobbing. My mother collapsed onto the bed, her head on my stomach. Her sobs shook the bed and wetted my sheets. I put a frail, ugly hand on her head.

"Mom, don't cry, please," I begged and felt tears fog my vision.

"My baby, my poor baby," she kept saying through the sobs. Gabe sat up and loosed his hand from mine to rub his head. He blinked at this display.

"What's wrong, Karen?" he asked and put his hand on my mom's back.

She looked up at him, her face red and her eyes swollen. "My poor baby sees heaven when she sleeps."

As if it was a cue they both turned and looked at me. I blinked at them, unsure of what to say; they already knew I was dying. When I first had the dream, I was scared shitless. It was the same dream every time; I was lying in bed and some figures with blurry faces were bent over me and talking in some sort of sing-song language. Even with the blurred faces, I know that they were beautiful. Soon I realized I was just getting a sneak peak to the next step of my existence.

"I'm just glad it's not hell I look at every night," I joked.

No one laughed.

"I love you so much," My mom murmured, kissing my forehead before walking out the door. I wanted to tell her I loved her too and that I was sorry for doing this to her, but she was already gone. I made a mental note to tell her later.

Gabe sighed. "How're you feeling, baby?"

I smiled weakly. "I'm sure not as bad as I look."

"You know you're beautiful," he said, smiling softly and sitting on the edge of my bed. In a way, I was thankful that my mom had to leave the room. We never got a moment to ourselves, and there was something I needed to say but I wasn't sure how to say it. Eventually, I just let the words fall out of my mouth as they came.

"After this is over, you have to get back out there," I said, looking at my feet. There was no way I could look at him in the face as I said this.

"What do you mean?" he asked, but he knew what I meant. That only made it harder for me to actually put into words.

"After I die," I stated, finally looking at him meaningfully. "You're going to find someone you love very much. Just because this is happening to me doesn't mean that your life ends with me."

"You're not going to die-"

"Please, Gabe," I said gruffly, but my voice cracked with misery. He noticed and his grip on my hand tightened. "We both have known that there was nothing that they could do for me and that this was going to be it. And I want you to promise me that after this…."

Tears started silently streaming down my face and he tried wiping them away one by one, but in the end, there were too many to fight. These were the tears I had been storing since day one, when I realized I was never going to be able to marry him, or have his children. I would only get to die by his side. The tears blurred my vision and I hid my face in my arm.

"We would've been so happy together," I choked out.

Gabe gulped visibly, trying to choke down tears. "That was a very cruel thing to say."

"I'm sorry," I sniffed. "But please, I am begging you. Find someone and love them... for both of us."

He didn't reply. Gabe leaned forward and kissed me on the forehead, excusing himself from the room and hiding his face in his hands. I watched him leave with a heavy heart. Now the room was empty of life besides me, as it had never been since I was filed as 'terminal'.

I looked over at the window sill, where the obsidian sphere rested. I felt it watching me, with its heavy black eyes.

"You were waiting till I was alone, weren't you?" I whispered and I reached over, struggling to bring the stone to me. It weighed more than I could lift, but a pulse of energy from it helped bring it to my lap.

"You're a monster, you know that?" I said to it, running my hand through my hair and feeling a fistful fall out in the process. The stone's crimson insides began to swirl.

"You were waiting till I was alone, weren't you?" I found myself repeating, my eyes fixed on its swirling crimson center. "It was always your plan for me to die alone."

It was taking all it could from me, the very last of what I had. It drew what was left through my hands that were frozen to its surface, stealing my life and changing it into something new. I just as powerless as I ever was, and nothing was going to save me now that it had me where it wanted me.

I couldn't hold my head up any longer and I let it fall back onto the pillows. My mouth became dry and the whole world became a shadow that I couldn't see through. I was terrified so I closed my eyes.

My mom returned and I seemed to be sleeping. When she said my name and I didn't awake, she cradled my head and cried till she could barely breathe. My eyes were closed and my mouth was open; hands gripping the obsidian stone so hard my nails were broken.


	2. Through to the Other Side

What I experienced was nothing like I speculated death would be like. It was immensely painful, but also weirdly satisfying to be quite literally sucked out of one's body and into oblivion.

I had no sense of sight. Or if I did, there was nothing but thick darkness all around me. I couldn't hear anything besides the sound of rushing wind. My body was naked and I felt my bare skin prickle in the cold bite of the wind.

Worse than these sensations was the undoubtable impression that I was falling. It seemingly lasted for miles and miles, ages upon ages. Was this my entrance to hell? I was convinced the orb had damned me to some despicable eternity. Was obsession a sin?

Thoughts whirring through my head, I almost didn't notice the rate of my fall gradually slowing. It was as if someone was applying the brakes, and suddenly I felt my feet land upon ice cold stone. Like a newborn, my eyes slowly came open and a blurry image came into focus. I stood before an enormous wooden door. I stood there, petrified and unsure of what to do, cradling myself protectively. After what felt like an eternity, I stepped forward and knocked on the door. Almost immediately it swung open, and I felt myself coaxed inside.

I looked at my surroundings and tried to think of what religion this could possibly be. I seemed to be in an enormous hall, lined with tables and benches where strange beings sat. If they had been conversing they went silent and stared at me. I looked back at them, not seeing anything but bright shimmers of them.

"Is this Valhalla?" I whispered. They laughed. I didn't hear them but somehow, I felt it. I also felt their confusion when they saw me; a naked, windswept woman walking amongst them. I wished I could've talked to them and find out, not so much for their curiosity as much as mine.

I walked past them towards the end of the hall, eyeing them.. As I passed each one, by some sort of groupthink or universal subconscious, I suddenly found that knew them. I was in a room of warriors and lovers, and I shared bits of myself with them as I picked up the pieces they offered up to me. Knowledge and memories all began swimming before me like a strange kaleidoscope.

Finally, I reached the end of the hall where a large table with a single chair sat. In the chair was a shimmering presence.

"Are you God?" I whispered, yet my voice echoed across the room.

It didn't give me a clear answer. I furrowed my brow and didn't know what to think. It looked at me, and I felt like a child under its stare.

Irons clapped onto my ankles and chains pulled me through the floor. I screamed and began sinking. My feet wouldn't move and I could do nothing but stare in horror at the room as I slowly fell through it. The God-like being hummed, pleased, and the room full of slightly lesser lives clapped for me, as if I had good fortune. I started crying from fear and I found myself wishing death was simpler.

I was tugged through the floor and into the air. I looked down and saw a bright, green earth being drawn closer by my chains. I couldn't scream since I couldn't breathe the fast air and all I could do was look on in horror as I was pulled down into the light, where everything suddenly became black.

Suffocating.

Suddenly there was air. I took a breath and sat up in bed screaming. Chaos ensued as people I didn't know scurried around a room I had never seen. I screamed and cradled myself, wishing it would go away. Finally, a rag that smelled sweet was held in front of my mouth and nose and my body relaxed. I fell back into the bed; to scared and tired to try and fight the sleep that coaxed me into its soft, safe embrace.


	3. Wearing Someone Else's Face

I blearily opened my eyes, too drowsy to remember the shock of yesterday's mysteries. Next to me, someone was petting my hair and singing a song in a soothing language that felt familiar. I turned my achy head and looked up to see the most beautiful woman I'd ever laid eyes on. Her brown hair was long and soft, with smooth porcelain skin and eyes that were like pools of liquid chocolate. She sat on the old stool at my bedside like a queen in a flowing white gown. She smiled warmly at me and I smiled back, knowing that I was in her safe hands.

I looked past her for a moment and saw I was in a white room full of vials and strange looking equipment, just like in the dreams I'd been having.

"Is this heaven?" I whispered to her, feeling as delicate as ever.

She blinked at me, then smiled again. "This is Imladris. Welcome."

I blinked and tried to lift myself up, and she helped me lean against a pile of pillows. I leaned away from her, and almost fell off the bed before I caught myself. I was frozen as I looked at the strong hands that caught me and righted myself, examining them and moving the digits one by one.

"Whose hands are these?" I asked the nurse, sharply. "They certainly aren't mine."

If they were, I didn't recognize them because it had been at least a month since I had owned a pair of hands that weren't transparent and riddled with visible blood vessels. These hands were healthy and the nails were clean and well cared for. What the hell is going on?

I looked at the nurse and saw that she mirrored my confusion; looking almost disturbed.

"Who are you?" she asked, her voice thin with discomfort and curiosity.

My eyes widened as a thousand names flashed through my mind, but not one was the one I recognized. I shook my head.

"I don't know," I replied, my eyes tearing in frustration. "Can I have a mirror?"

She blinked at me for a moment, then stood and fetched me a hand mirror from a nearby table. Shaking hands took it from her and held it up to the face I was now wearing. My hair was long and dark brown, long enough to stop at my waist. I touched the fair skin of my face, marveling at the smoothness and immaculate symmetry. I had rosebud lips, high cheekbones, and a perfect nose. This was _not _my face. In fact, the only thing that had stayed the same were the color of my irises; the grey-blue that had been passed down through my father into me.

I held the mirror, looking at this unfamiliar, alien face that looked back at me with tears in her eyes. Beside me, the nurse called a girl over and they spoke, before the younger girl ran off into the hospital.

I set the mirror down and wiped my eyes on the front of my hospital gown. The nurse looked at me with pity, and I smiled sheepishly at her.

"I didn't realize that when you die your face changes," I sniffed, trying to wipe away tears as they continued to pour from my eyes like a stream.

Her brow furrowed. "Everything you say doesn't make sense... You aren't dead."

We looked silently at each other, unbelieving what the other said. There was nothing else this could be, besides heaven. It was the place I had been dreaming about, my face was changed; I was obviously an angel.

My thoughts were interrupted by a man in flowing maroon robes joining the nurse by my bedside. He had long dark locks and had a handsomely perfect face just like the others around me.

"You gave us quite a scare," he said, smiling at me. His voice was soft and soothing. "When you finally regained consciousness, you awoke from your sleep screaming and we had to place you back under until you awoke more… peacefully."

"Yes…" I murmured, remembering. "Can you tell me what's going on?"

That seemed to throw him off, for his brow furrowed and he blinked at me, confused. The nurse beside him spoke quickly and softly to him. He silenced her with a gentle wave of his hand, returning his attention to me.

"I'm sorry," he replied. "My name is Lord Elrond. I am the lord of Imladris. And what is your name?"

"I have no idea," I replied tearfully. "I don't know my name, recognize my face, or this place… I have a terrible feeling something bad has happened to me."

"It may have," he said softly. "We found you in the woods surrounding these lands. You were a withered husk of yourself and I wasn't sure if I could save you, but with Arwen's help," He smiled at the nurse. "We were able to bring you to health."

"I… have no memory of that," I replied swiftly, the things I saw in death flashing before my eyes. "No, that didn't happen. I was a veterinarian. I had a house and an office by the woods with my dog. I had a boyfriend that I wanted to marry."

Just like that, my memories spilled out of me and I found myself talking very fast and low for what seemed like ages. It didn't matter to me if Lord Elrond and Arwen were listening, but I wanted to talk myself through them, as if it would convince me that had happened.

"And then I got sick," I said, softly. I didn't look at the two as I continued. It was hard for me to talk about. It was the secret I had guarded so absolutely that I was shocked when I found it spilling forth from my lips. "I had found this… Stone in the woods. It was perfectly round and it was black, but for these crimson veins in the middle."

For the first time since I had begun my life's story, Lord Elrond interrupted.

"Did this stone speak?" he asked, his face pale and his voice grim.

I nodded fervently; its hisses still burned into my mind. "It's what killed me. It took everything it could from me. I was so stupid."

Arwen patted my shoulder. "You're not… stupid. There is good magic in the world, and there is bad… The bad comes to us when we least expect it and takes us by surprise."

I grabbed her hand and started sobbing. "If I wasn't so weak, I would still be home now. I would be with my mother and the man I loved."

The two beside me were silent. Lord Elrond stood and drew the hangings around my bed, to give us more privacy. He resumed his seat and I released Arwen's hand to wipe my face clean once again. I expected her to remove her hand, but instead she squeezed my shoulder and rubbed my back comfortingly.

"So you died," Lord Elrond said, matter-of-factly. "What happened next?"

"I was pulled from my body and I started falling," I described, remembering the strange sensation. "It seemed to go on for ages and ages until I came upon this door. It led to this hall full of spirits, I suppose that's what they were. Then there was this large one at the end of the hall, and it pulled me down here and into this body."

Lord Elrond looked to Arwen, who gave him a strange expression.

"The Hall of Mandos…" he uttered. "And you were reborn? In all my experience, there has never been a human that has been reborn in the Hall of Mandos."

"Well, she isn't human anymore, is she, Ada?" Arwen mused and tucked my hair behind my ear. I touched the tips of my ears and felt myself pale. They were pointed and… Elflike.

"What the…" I whispered, and turned to them. "Am I an elf?"

Arwen smiled. "We all are. Which is why Eru gave you to us. He must have seen something special in you and brought you to us."

Lord Elrond scrutinized me, his face hard to read.

"Never before has a human gone to the Hall of Mandos and been reborn as elves do," He stood from his seat. "I must go. This is a lot to think about…"

He looked at me and smiled, slightly. "It was very nice to meet you. Hopefully, you will find your name soon and your place here. I wish you a quick recovery."

And with that, he vanished through the curtain.

"I bet he's a wonderful lord," I said, dabbing my eyes once again before looking to Arwen.

"Ada takes his job very seriously," she replied, with a small smirk. "He puts a lot of work on himself, but he somehow manages it with humor and grace."

"What does 'Ada' mean?" I asked. "Is it a title?"

"Well, yes," she said, grinning mischievously. "In our tongue it means 'father'.".

"He is your _father_?" I gaped, absolutely bewildered while she laughed at my astonishment..

"Children are few," Arwen admitted. "Eru has blessed my father and mother with three; me and my brothers."

"You have two brothers?" I repeated.

She nodded. "But enough about us. Please, tell me about your… Gabe?"

Sadness pricked my heart and I looked away, but she grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I gave her a small smile as she sat there, waiting for me to regale her with our love story. I sighed.

"He was my boyfriend and I loved him very much."

"Boyfriend?" she repeated, making me smile.

"We were courting," I explained. "We met when a man's dog got lost in the woods one night and we both volunteered to look for it." I paused, my heart so heavy with memories of him. "He was the kindest man I'd ever met; always willing to help me care for some animal that I dragged home. I wanted to marry him and spend my life with him."

Arwen smiled and leaned on my bed. "He sounds like he is a very wonderful man."

I smiled at her, hoping it would hold my tears in my eyes. "Yeah, he is a very wonderful man. I wish we could've had more time, but…" I sniffed and wiped my eyes. "So, do you have someone in your life?"

At that, Arwen's gaze dropped and she stared intently at her hands.

"No, no one in particular," she muttered softly. I was about to speak when she stood suddenly, and squeezed my hand.

"It was very nice to meet you," she said, her eyes glistening and her smile too wide to be real. "If it's alright, I would like to come and see you tomorrow?"

I nodded, sniffling.

She smiled and squeezed my hand before slipping between the curtains. I waited until she was gone to grab the mirror and look at myself again, memorizing the face that was now mine. It is true that the face that looked back was beautiful, but I would've traded all I had to have my mother's nose and my father's freckles back.

Sadness overcame me when I remembered that I had nothing in this new world. I didn't even have my name. Tears escaped me again and I curled onto my side, looking into the mirror every few minutes and crying all the while.


	4. More Than a Band-Aid

The next few days were some of the worst days I had ever had. Whenever there wasn't a nurse near me, I spent the time crying and moaning at the pain I felt in my heart. They brought me broth to eat and tried to pretend they didn't notice the puffiness around my eyes or the sounds of my sobbing that I knew they heard.

As I lay with my head buried in one of the feather pillows, I started thinking about the dogs I had treated who were dying. They didn't move and wouldn't take medication, even after I wrapped it in a treat. I looked sideways at a fresh bowl of broth on the bed stand beside me. There was probably medicine in it.

Animals have feelings and emotions, but I wondered if those dogs felt the futility that I currently felt. As if eating the pill would only draw out the process. Steam rose off of the bowl of broth and I wrinkled my nose at it, feeling my mouth go dry and my throat close up if I thought about eating it.

I went back to ignoring it and retreated into my grief. I tried to remember the last time I got to kiss Gabe on the lips, only for my body to wrack with sobs when I realized I didn't remember what kissing him felt like.

The curtain swung open next to me and I tried to wipe my face, but Arwen wasn't dumb. She grabbed my hand and knelt beside me, her eyes boring into mine with such sadness. I sniffed and looked away guiltily.

"Oh, my dear," she said, reaching out to stroke my matted hair. "If you keep this up, you're going to undo the hard work we've done."

"I'm alright with that," I croaked. Arwen cringed, and I felt bad for saying that to her but I knew that after I died she would forget about the dumb girl they found in the woods.

"No one is expendable," she said suddenly, as if reading my thoughts. "You are an important person and I know that you're here for a reason."

"How would you know that?" I whispered, feeling the blackness hanging over me. I wished it were all over.

"Everything happens for a reason," she replied. Arwen pulled a handkerchief out of her sleeve and dabbed at my face. I looked at the floor.

I remained still as she pulled up a chair and began to tell me a story. I was only half listening and sometimes I would go in and out of sleep. I honestly don't remember what the story was even about. Every once in a while she would make me eat a spoonful of the now cold broth. When her story was over, I expected her to leave, but instead she kept talking. Her voice was soft and soothing.

After that, each time I woke up there was someone at my bedside. Most of the time it was Arwen, but sometimes it was some other 'elleth' or female elf. They talked to me and got me to eat by saying that they would stop talking if I didn't. For some reason that worked, maybe due to the thought that if I was left alone with myself I would start crying again.

I didn't notice the progress I was making. My dreams weren't dark anymore and during the day, I was able to eat without being coerced. They brought me books to read and scrap paper to draw on. I sketched Gabe's face and showed it to Arwen, who agreed he was a very handsome man. It was slow, but I was getting stronger.

About four weeks into my hospital stay, I awoke to see Arwen by my side with a big smile on her face.

"What's got you so happy?" I asked with a smile and sat up.

"I've got a fun day planned for you," she beamed and fluffed my pillow. "Now in order to do that, you've got to finish your breakfast this morning."

I looked at the plate by my bed, weighed down with thick slices of wheat toast with strawberry jam and a small bunch of grapes. I looked at the plate like it was a challenge and took a big bite of toast and jam, finding that it turned into less of a chore with the more I ate. Arwen smiled widely at me.

"Do you know how much you've improved in your time being here?" she asked.

'Only because of you,' I thought to myself and took another bite of toast. When the plate was empty, she pulled my sheets back and I saw my legs. I had seen them when healers had given me sponge baths, but I still wasn't used to the sight of them. They were smooth and without any of the transparency or sickliness the last pair had.

Arwen grabbed my hand and looked at me, suddenly serious. "Today, you are going to walk."

I nodded, unable to speak. I used my arms to turn towards the side of the bed and she held out her hands, which I grabbed for support. I shuddered with nerves. This was going to be a difficult journey.

I placed one bare foot on the cold marble ground, then the other. I leaned on the edge of my bed and tried flexing the muscles in my body from the ground-up. I wiggled my toes, flexed the muscles in my feet and traveled up my legs to the waist, making sure everything was connected.

"Very good," Arwen said softly and waited for me to take my first step. I did, and my weight immediately made my legs buckle but she caught me and replaced me back to where I was.

"Try again. And this time, keep your eyes closed," she advised and I did as she said. I couldn't help but think of how I used to take my walking for granted, as well as the rest of my functioning body. I never realized how fortunate I was to move and be independent until it was all taken away.

I gripped Arwen's hands and gulped, fighting for awareness of my body. I went through and flexed everything as I did before, trying to remember myself.

_Heel first_. A voice whispered in the back of my mind.

I involuntarily took a breath in and shuddered. What the hell was talking to me? It made no reply, so I shrugged it off. I took a breath and put my heel on the floor and rolled through the motion, placing my next heel on the floor. Arwen moved with me, leading me while my movements became quicker and more fluid. Eventually she tore her hands away and I staggered, but recovered and walked on my own.

I opened my eyes. "Do you think I've got it?"

The question seemed unnecessary when I saw her absolutely beaming and she joyfully clapped her hands together.

"You've done so well!" She laughed, grinning from ear to ear. "This is wonderful!"

Her happiness made me grin. "I'm glad I'll be able to walk around then, even if it is a little wobbly."

Arwen smiled. "Admittedly, you do look a little like a baby deer… But that will leave with more practice."

I nodded, looking down at the legs I was now using. It was a start and I was more than willing to make do with it. Arwen led me quietly out of the room, and from the way she paused to look around corners I suddenly realized she was sneaking me out of the hospital. I remained quiet as she led me through the winding halls until she finally opened a door that opened to the outside.

"Oh my God," I gasped and fell to my knees.

The breath exited my lungs as I gazed on the world I was now a part of. It was more colorful than any ecosystem I had ever seen; the trees large and green, the grass soft, the flowers vibrant colors, and bright birds flicking through the trees.

Arwen grabbed my arm and helped me to my feet. "I thought you were in there long enough and that it was time for you to meet the world."

I nodded, suddenly realizing that tears were running down my face. Embarrassed, I wiped them away. Arwen smiled and squeezed my shoulder, taking my hand in hers and leading me down to a small path way through the woods. I didn't care that my feet were bare as I stepped over roots and blades of grass tickled my toes.

Arwen and I walked along the path the whole morning as she gave me a hushed, out-of-the-way tour of Imladris. The settlement was comprised of small buildings that surrounded a large, grand center building. The city lived in harmony with the world it was nestled into, as plants and animals seemed to overrun the place.

"Those are the stables," Arwen said, pointing out a long building with a thatched roof. "Would you like to meet my horse?"

I nodded and she walked me through the front door. The stable smelled like clean straw and oatmeal, and contained a large amount of tall, sturdy horses. When Arwen opened the gate to a stall containing a brown horse with a white star on its head, I knew I was meeting a very imposing force. His deep brown eyes held me back as he looked me up and down, stamping his feet nervously. Arwen gently stroked his main and whispered to him, causing him to settle.

"What's his name?" I asked, holding my hand out for him to smell. He gingerly sniffed at my hand and then at my hospital gown before he stuck his nose in the palm of my hand. I was accepted.

"His name is Rhawon," she replied, her brow furrowing as I stroked his forehead. "You are very good with him. He doesn't usually allow strangers to touch him."

"I used to take care of animals," I responded, moving on to stroke Rhawon's long neck. "That's what my job used to be. I was a doctor for them."

Arwen nodded but said nothing, and I could almost hear the thoughts whirring through her head. After a few more minutes she kissed Rhawon's nose good-bye and I gave him a final pet before we left to continue our walk. Arwen paused in a small garden outside of the main house and turned to me.

"Wait here," she whispered urgently and slipped in through a side door. I kneeled down to the ground, hoping she was quiet. I didn't want to be caught outside in nothing but a hospital gown. Luckily for us both, she returned with a basket in a few short minutes and we continued walking until the path took us to a small pool at the bottom of a long water fall.

Arwen sat down and took the cloth off the basket, revealing a lunch of rolls, cheese, and raspberries. Included were a bottle of wine and two ceramic cups.

"Technically, you shouldn't have wine but I feel as if we could both use some," she said with a guilty smile and handed me a glass. I took a sip of it and savored the sweet taste; yes, I've needed a good glass of wine.

We munched on rolls and cheese while Arwen talked a little more about the elfin settlement. I learned that they were a society of vegetarians, which was something I had noticed due to the lack of meat I had been given during my stay. Arwen explained the role her people had in protecting the forest and its inhabitants.

"This place is very zen," I commented, popping a raspberry in my mouth.

"Zen?" Arwen repeated, confused.

"It's very... harmonious," I explained. "It fits in perfectly with the world around it. A lot of people where I am from would kill to be in a place like this."

"But not you?" she asked, staring at me.

I didn't reply immediately, but took another sip of wine. "If Gabe was here, I wouldn't have believed you when you said this place wasn't heaven. But since he's gone… every world isn't enough."

Neither of us said anything for a while, preferring to sip our wine in silence. We finished our lunch and walked back to the main house, where Arwen left the basket and the empty bottle of wine.

"This is the main house, where my family and I live," she explained. "The Fire Room is also there, as is the dining hall. It is where you will be staying when you are released from the hospital."

I looked up at her, surprised. "You mean I get to live here?"

Arwen blinked at me, then smiled. "Of course, it is completely up to you where you go, but my father and I have made accommodations for you should you choose to stay."

I looked back out to the splendor of Imladris. "This is the most beautiful place I have ever laid my eyes on."

"Even if it's not enough?" Arwen asked with a small smile.

I smiled back and nodded. "It's a gorgeous place. I am sure I will be fine here."

Arwen gazed out over the landscape as well. "You may find love again."

"Probably not," I said and shook my head. Gabe was the love of my life and no man could ever replace him.

I looked out over the horizon again, wondering where this world was going to take me. It was a strange feeling that came over me suddenly; the feeling of absolute liberty. I had no family, no good friends, and no job to keep me in any place. On one hand, it was uplifting to think I had never been freer to do as I pleased in my life.

On the other hand, I realized I was the loneliest I would ever be as well.


	5. Throwing Shade

It was another three days before I was released from the house of healing, and in that time Arwen had gotten my walking to a regular standard, showed me maps of Imladris and the surrounding areas, and continued to keep me company. In a feeble attempt at returning her kindness I tried to entertain her with stories about my old life.

"A thing running on lighting that chills your food?" she would repeat, flabbergasted. "That's amazing!"

Sometimes, I wasn't sure if she believed me but she seemed entertained nonetheless. She helped me pack the few belongings I accumulated into a knap sack and we walked to the main house. My recovery had been speedy and thorough, my limbs gaining muscle and my stride confident. We left the hospital ward and she led me through one of the many gardens that grew throughout Imladris.

"These are lovely," I commented, cupping the bud of a rose and bringing it to my face. It smelled sweeter than any rose I had encountered before. "Who is the gardener here?"

Arwen gave me a confused look. "We all are. My people are very in tune with Arda and what grows from it."

Regardless of her beautiful gown, she kneeled to the ground and sifted the soil to remove a fistful of weeds. She looked blissful as she tended the earth, and I expected her to throw out the weed, only to see her tuck them into a pouch on her belt.

"What are you doing?" I asked quizzically.

"Doing what?" Arwen replied absentmindedly.

"Why are you keeping the weeds?" I said and gestured to the pouch. "Aren't you going to throw them away?"

"No! Of course not!" she cried and stared at me like I'd suggested throwing trash into the river. "Each plant has a use and cannot be discarded. That would be wasteful. And this particular plant, when the roots are dried and chewed it eases stomach aches."

"Oh," I breathed and looked down at the ground. I pointed to another plant. "What does this one do?"

Arwen and I knelt in the dirt, pulling up weeds and discussing the properties each one carried. Even some of the flowers, too, weren't just for decoration and gave some benefit to those who knew how to use them.

"You know, I know I am an elf now but somehow… I don't feel like one. I mean, I still feel like a human and I don't know if I can change," I confessed.

Arwen smiled her sweet smile. "One doesn't just change in a night. And our ways aren't inherent; it is a way of life. All of us had to learn them, just as you will."

I sighed and kneeled to the ground beside her, sticking my hands into the light soil beneath the rose bush and pulling out other weeds, placing them into a pocket on my dress. We weeded the rest of the rose bushes in silence, pocketing the plants to dry them later. When we finished, Arwen looped her arm through mine and we continued our walk through the garden.

"I admire your people," I said softly as we passed by some fragrant bunches of lavender. "In my world, there aren't many community gardens. In fact, communities aren't really communities anymore. Just strangers who live together."

"That is sad," Arwen sighed. "We all know each other and work together. That is how our society works. And you needn't worry; you will find your place here, my friend." I made to answer, but she froze, rooting both of us to the spot and her ears twitching.

I saw her apprehension and listened as well, as hard as I could. In the far distance, my elvish ears picked up the sounds of hooves, panting, and grunting. And I could tell it was coming straight for us.

"Get down!" Arwen ordered, grabbing me and forcing me to the ground, her beside me. It was just in time, as a deer sprang over the shrubs and its hooves went right where our heads were not a second ago.

I went to get up, but Arwen's hand kept me down as an elf bounded over the hedge after the deer, laughing and whooping. I stared dumbfounded as the elf began to wrestle with the deer, grabbing its horns and keeping it from skewering him on its antlers.

"Elrohir!" the elf laughed, and we stared on as a second elf leapt over the hedge and landed, panting, in a plot of ferns.

"You've got him on your own!" the second elf replied, grinning. Beside me, I could almost feel the anger radiating from Arwen as she stood, placing her hands on her hips.

Uh-oh.

"Elladan! Elrohir!" she steamed. "What has Ada told you about wrestling in the garden? You're going to hurt someone!"

The elves froze, and to my surprise so did the deer, and stared guiltily at Arwen. They looked to each other, almost looking for some excuse before the one wrestling the deer finally spoke up.

"Oh, Arwen, it is just a bit of fun," he moaned, letting go of the deer's antlers. The deer cocked its head, looking from his opponent to Arwen, and finally onto some wild onions that it soon began to eat.

"Yeah," the other chimed in. "Besides, there was no one here."

"As a matter of fact, my friend and I were taking a stroll through this particular garden before you decided to come along and…" Arwen struggled for a word. "And desecrate it!"

The elves began laughing heartily, the one in the ferns rolling from side to side, clutching his abdomen in stitches.

"Desecrate! Oh, Arwen! Hahaha!"

The one by the deer wiped away a tear. "Who else is out here? Sulneth?"

"No, it's… my friend," Arwen said, trying not to make my loss of a name embarrassing for me. She reached a hand out to me, helping me up. "It's her first day out of the hospital and you could've put her back in it."

The brothers looked at me, then back to each other, and back to me. They were silent for a few seconds before the one by the deer came forward, hand out stretched. I shook his hand and noted his dark hair and blue eyes, so similar to Arwen's.

"You are the one from the woods, aren't you?" he asked, his clear eyes roving all over my face. "Yes, you must be. I recognize you."

I nodded. "I am much better, thanks to your father and your sister. I owe them a lot."

"And us, too!" the one in the ferns chirped as he stood, moving towards me and his brother. It was now obvious to me that the two were twins, the one in the ferns dressed all in green, while the other was in blue.

"We are the ones who found you, after all," he explained, taking my hand and kissing the back of it. "Pleasure to see you in a much better state. My name is Elrohir and this is Elladan."

"Nice to meet you," I smiled, and figured I should curtsey. "And thank you for finding me. I am indebted to your family, it seems."

"I'm sure you can make it up to us somehow," Elladan said with a grin as I pulled my hand from Elrohir's. Arwen rolled her eyes. "So, what is your name?"

I flushed. "Uh… I'm not sure."

"You… Don't know your own name?" Elrohir asked with a mocking smile. Arwen put her arm around my shoulders.

"She has been through a traumatic ordeal," she explained, quickly covering for me. "Her memory loss is due to this."

Elladan put his hand on my shoulder. "Oh, it's alright. If you lost your name, we can help you try to find it!"

"Or pick a better one." Elrohir smirked.

I laughed and waved them off. "I appreciate your willingness to help, but I figure it will just come back to me."

Elladan laughed and ruffled up my hair like a child's. "Things aren't going to come back to you if you don't look for them! Especially not a name. You need to find yourself!"

The two brothers laughed and bowed, excusing themselves to go run off with their friend, the deer. Presumably to finish his and Elladan's wrestling match. Arwen sighed.

"I apologize for them. They are good intentioned, but their actions seldom reflect it. Don't let them get to you."

I shook my head. "No, they were right."

They were abrasive, yes, but they were right in the fact that I do need to find myself. I need to remember who I was and find out who I am now, which is much easier to say than to begin to do.

Arwen smiled and took my hand in hers. We strolled silently through the rest of the garden and over pathways. Eventually, we found ourselves in the main house and into a wide hallway.

She stopped in front of a door. "This room is yours."

I admittedly was a little nervous to see my living space for the next indeterminable amount of time. I stepped forward and opened the door, poking my head in to see it.

The room was larger than I thought it would be. And it wasn't really something one would call a room. It was like I was sleeping in a patio, as the windows were large and open. It was as if nature was to be let in at all times, and knowing elvish culture, it probably was. Included in the room were a fireplace, a chest, a writing desk, an empty book shelf, and an enormous, fluffy bed.

I skipped over and flopped on the bed. It was stuffed with feathers and was so very inviting. The head and foot board was ornate, with carvings of elleths carved into the wood so realistic it seemed like they were springing out from it.

I flipped onto my back and grinned at Arwen. "This is the softest bed I have ever laid in."

She laughed. "I am glad you enjoy it. Dinner will be at dusk. Please join us when you can."

She exited and I was left by myself in my gorgeous new room. I sighed and sank deeper into the down mattress. Maybe this place really was heaven.

Some time later, I found myself closing my door and starting towards the dining hall. I had unpacked my few things and tried breaking my room in a little bit before I cleaned up for dinner. I washed myself and changed into my favorite dress I had gotten from the seamstresses. It was deep blue with gold trim, and it made me feel pretty. I brushed my hair and scented it with oil, for an extra measure.

I continued down the hall, my stomach driving me with growls. I hadn't had such a ravenous appetite in months, since before I found that… thing. I shuddered and chided myself; it was behind me now and I was healing.

A large door separated me from dinner, so I hurriedly opened it and the scent of food wafted towards me. There were two long tables in the hall, and one smaller long one at the end where Lord Elrond and his children sat. When Arwen saw me she gave a small, dignified wave. When Elrohir and Elladan saw me, Elrohir put a green bean on a fork and tried to shoot it in my direction but fell several feet short, making Elladan fold into a fit of laughter. Their father shot them a look.

I stifled a laugh and walked toward the nearest table and sat down. No one was eating yet, so I kept myself from diving into the steaming plate of buttered turnips before me. I sat on my hands and waited anxiously.

"Hullo, there!"

I looked up to see an elleth slip into the seat across from me. Adorning her long raven locks was a large flower that matched her pale pink dress.

"My name is Sulneth," she said with a pearly smile. "I've never seen you here before. What's your name?"

"I lost my name and am in the process of looking for it," I replied distractedly as I eyed a fresh loaf of bread. "Nice to meet you."

"Well, why did you go and do that?" Sulneth asked with a laugh.

"It wasn't necessarily my choice," I explained.

Sulneth was about to say something, until Lord Elrond stood. The hall fell silent as he said a few words in Quenya; I could understand a little and heard him say something about 'thanking Eru for what we have been blessed with'. I bowed my head as the others did and moved my lips with the words they spoke.

When it was done, the elves around me began piling food onto their plates and I followed suit. Roasted potatoes, turnips, carrots, and thick crusted bread found their way onto my plate. It was delicious.

"Did they roast these potatoes with garlic?" I asked, savoring the flavor.

"I… am not sure," Sulneth replied with disinterest. "So, how long have you been here? It can't have been too long."

"No," I said. "It's only been a few weeks or so. How long have you lived here?"

She smiled warmly. "I have lived here my whole life. What do you think of our home so far?"

"It's very beautiful," I answered, still trying to decide what made these potatoes so delectable.

"Have you met any of the inhabitants of Imladris as of yet?"

"No one but you and Lord Elrond and his family," I answered. It must have been garlic. Garlic, and a lot of butter.

"Let me introduce you to a few, then," Sulneth suggested with a smile. I stuffed another bite of turnip in my mouth. This would be a good opportunity for me to meet people here.

I swallowed and gave her my best smile. "That would be great."

"Alright, then!" she said excitedly, and waved an elleth with her long hair styled in an elaborate bun over to where we sat.

At her gesture elves came and went throughout dinner, hoping to make me feel welcome or wishing me a speedy recovery or if I needed a riding partner, to come and find them. I smiled and thanked them, feeling very lucky that I had come to a place where people were so kind.

"I would be happy to accept your offer," I said to one ellon who offered to take a walk with me after dinner. "But tonight I would like to see your Fire Room."

"The offer still stands," he replied with a wink. I blushed as he returned back to his other table.

I turned to Sulneth. "What was his name again?"

She raised a brow at him and frowned. "His name is Ieston. Be wary of him, he's something of a rounder."

"A rounder?"

"He likes elleths a lot, but only for a short period of time," Sulneth clarified, tearing up a roll into small pieces and leaving them on her plate. I watched her brow furrow and realized she must have known from personal experience.

"I am not interested in love," I replied, feeling my heart harden.

Sulneth heard my voice breaking and looked up. Despite only knowing her for a short while, her face softened and she grabbed my hand.

"Love hurts," she said softly. "But it can be worth it when it's real. Your time will come."

I sniffed and tipped my head back to keep tears from escaping and calmed myself down.. I decided not to tell her that the real love I had had was the source for my tears, and was never going to return. I knew I was never going to love someone again after Gabe.

"Oh, Arwen," Sulneth said slowly and softly. "That poor girl."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

She rubbed the side of her face as if unsure she wanted to reply. "I guess it's alright if I let you know… She is madly in love with a ranger."

"And what does that matter?"

She looked at her plate, as if sick of herself. "It matters that he is human and a mortal."

I froze. "Wait, what?"

"I know," she said in a hushed tone, looking up to where Arwen sat talking to her father. "Being immortal, it is frowned upon to love and marry a mortal. Even if one is half-elven."

"Wait, what?" I repeated, absolutely dumbstruck.

"Oh, you didn't know?" Sulneth said. "Our Lord Elrond is a half-elven. Of course, he has chosen to be immortal, but he has forbidden her to choose life as mortal."

"Wait, _what_?"

"Oh, yes," she continued fervently. "His name is Estel."

It was like my gaze was going to bore a hole through my plate. I felt the tips of my ears heat up and I felt like crying again, but I held it in. Immortality? Half-elves? I suddenly remembered a weeks ago when I had asked Arwen if she had a sweetheart, and she hurriedly said no. She was trying to keep her love a secret.

"I've got to go," I stated, my jaw tight and my fists clenched.

"Huh? What's wrong?" Sulneth asked.

"Arwen is my closest friend," I growled and stood. "Regardless of what her private affairs are."

The elleth looked down at her plate, ashamed. I felt a twinge of guilt for snapping at her after she had been so kind, but I cared more for Arwen's feelings than Sulneth's. And that I now had to know what immortality had to do with me, Sulneth was further moved from my good graces.

"So where the hell is this Fire Room?" I asked irritably, grabbing a last piece of bread and heading for the door.


	6. The Seeing-Stone

I left the dining hall, not knowing if I was angry or scared. Well, I was both. I was angry at Sulneth for talking about my friend and I was scared how the word 'immortality' had changed my world.

I stopped in my tracks, standing in the middle of the hall and rubbing my temples. How the hell was I going to accept this? Being born a human, I was told that everything was going to change; my grandparents would pass then my parents, then me. Just like the flowers, trees, and animals around me. Permanence was for the rocks and stones; senseless and emotionless.

I was too angry and anguished to cry, preferring instead to kick at the floor. It wasn't a great choice, as it hurt my toe and after giving into the urge I felt like a child.

"I'll ask you to not keep doing that unless you would like to polish the floor."

I jumped and turned to see Lord Elrond leaving the dining hall, his eyebrows raised. Just as I sensed his incredulousness, I was certain he sensed my frustration.

"No one told me I was immortal now," I said pointedly.

He sighed. "I asked Arwen to mention it, but I should've known you would've found out somehow. Will you walk with me?" He sensed my reluctance. "We will just take a short detour before going to the Fire Room and if I prove to be bad company, I promise you may leave."

"I suppose," I finally answered. He smiled and placed his hand on my shoulder, leading me down the hallway.

"I apologize for not coming and visiting you again while you were bedridden," Lord Elrond said softly. "It would've been a good opportunity for us to have a chat. Never before has a human been immortal and so I suppose I was unsure of what the repercussions of this… anomaly would be."

"The anomaly being me," I murmured.

He patted my shoulder. "Yes. Regardless of what you used to be, you are an elf now and there are distinct… differences."

"The difference being that I will just keep on living," I interrupted. I couldn't help but feel frustrated with this conversation and I was angry that I found out that I was undying from an elleth with a shoe in her mouth.

Lord Elrond heard my terseness and raised an eyebrow. "My dear, how would you go about telling someone who has only just made your acquaintance that the rules by which they have lived their life are now different? This is never a conversation I have expected to have in my entire lifetime."

"Sorry," I muttered and looked at my feet, feeling stupid and ungrateful. This man has taken me in, not knowing where I have come from and allowed his children to befriend me. "This is a lot to take in, my lord."

He sighed. "I know it is. And I am sorry that it had to happen. But, the truth of the matter is, is that elves cannot be killed by things that humans can. We can die, but only of fatal wounds or of heart break."

"Heart break?" I repeated, confused. "But humans can't die from that."

He smiled and it was bittersweet. "We are strong, but fragile. When we love, we love deeply and sometimes we lose our will to live."

My brow furrowed. It was strange to hear this due to the general reservation I had encountered with the elves I had met, but in order to live that way I supposed one needed to learn tremendous self-control. It was a daunting task.

"And when we die, we find ourselves in the same place you were," he said, and I remembered the long hall filled with souls. "It is called the Hall of Mandos. There, we wait until we are once again reborn."

"And when elves are reborn, they return here?" I asked.

He shook his head. "All but one chose to remain in Valinor, which is why when we found you here it was such a surprise."

We took a seat on one of the benches found infrequently in the halls. There, he explained Valinor, the elven 'promised land'. He explained the Valar, the Maiar, and the rest of the dogma of their culture. I ate it up, thirsty to know my new body and to know this strange, alien world around me.

Eventually he trailed off, either wracking his mind for other knowledge he wished to share, or waiting patiently for me to digest it. For my own part, wrapping my mind around this information was dizzying. Nothing was ever going to be the same. I would never again know sickness, nor experience old age. It was daunting, knowing you had time to do everything you ever desired so long as the ocean didn't call for you. I had no excuse for not making something of myself.

Surprisingly my thoughts strayed to my mother. She _would_ know old age and hardship. She would have to bury her own daughter, if she hadn't already. She would waste away with time, yet I was timeless and would carry my memories and love of her with me forever.

"It doesn't get easy, does it?" I said, feeling my eyes wet. I wiped the tear away, but two replaced it and I was soon fighting a losing battle.

"The pain of losing someone never does," Lord Elrond replied, not looking at me as I softly wept. "The thought of eternity without them seems unbearable, but somehow we endure."

"This hurts so much," I groaned into my sleeve. "I can't stop feeling this hurt when I think of the place I left behind. I never even got to say goodbye to my mom."

Beside me, Lord Elrond stood. He held his hand out to me and I took it, allowing him to pull me to my feet. Wordlessly, he led me from the bench and out of the hall, down into one of Imladris's maze-like gardens. Only the moon lit our path, casting pale light and thick shadows onto the plants. It was eerie.

"I have had yet to tell you of my expertise in the field of scrying," Lord Elrond murmured as we rounded a corner and a bird bath came into view. From the outside, it looked like a normal stone bird bath but from where I stood I could see that it was lined with silver.

My Lord approached the bath and placed a finger on the top of the water's smooth surface, causing a ripple. I looked over his shoulder at its silvery bottom and saw our distorted faces looking back at us.

"I learned this particular trick from an old friend," he said softly, looking into the depths almost hypnotically. He broke his gaze to look at me, his blue eyes staring at me with intensity. "Look into it, and tell me what you see."

Timidly I took a step towards the bowl and peered over the side. I saw my face, and the stars behind me in the black night sky.

"It's just me." I said, disappointed. Against my will my face scrunched up into a pout and tears grew in my eyes. I angrily wiped them away and looked back at the mirror.

My old face looked back at me: my human face, with its imperfection, freckles, and rounded ears. I missed that face so much. Then, before my eyes, the face turned sallow and the skin paled, as the long brown hair thinned and the eyes seemed to enlarge. Then, someone's hand drew over the eyes and shut them.

"Oh, god," I breathed and felt my knees weaken.

"What do you see?" Lord Elrond asked, placing his hand on my shoulder. With his touch the image sharpened and I saw the scene playing out.

"I see my mother discovering my body," I replied, my voice absolutely out of my control as tears flowed from my eyes. "She's cradling me like I was a child, and Gabe is sitting in a chair holding himself."

Gabe was able to grasp one of my hands as a gloved nurse pulled the stone from my warped hands, placing it into a box.

The water swirled and the scene changed, shifting to another time and place. I saw my mother standing in a room, wearing black. The room was hazily familiar, and it was only when I noticed the flower bedspread covering an iron wrought bed that I realized where.

"Now I see my mom standing in my childhood bedroom," I whispered, leaning closer to the basin. "It's full of cardboard boxes- I mean, it looks like she moved all of my things there... Oh god."

My fists clenched as I saw the stone sitting on top of a box containing my things from the hospital. Seeing it there and permeating the sacred walls of my mother's home filled me with rage.

"I see the stone that killed me," I breathed. I felt Lord Elrond tense.

"What does it look like?" he asked quickly.

"It's black," I gulped and stared into the depth. "…with crimson veins in it."

He made no reply as I continued to watch. My sweet dog Marty walked into the room, head drooping and tail down. He jumped onto my bed and curled up into a ball. My mom sat by him and scratched his ears, but he didn't act as if he felt it. My mom had to turn away from him and dab at her eyes with a handkerchief that was embroidered with irises. Seeing it made something stir in the back of my mind, but I was too focused with the scene in front of me to think about it.

Gabe entered the room, wearing a black suit and with a fresh haircut. He said something to my mother, who nodded and stood. Gabe took her arm and they somberly left the room.

"Oh," I sighed and tears began to well in my eyes. I understood what was happening. "They're going to my funeral."

I continued to look, but the mirror only stayed on my room. I wiped tears away from my eyes as I realized that they were now streaming out. No one gets to see their funeral; nobody.

Dismayed, I continued to watch my dog. Marty stood and began sniffing around the boxes, saw the orb and began growling. His hair and tail stuck up like there was a predator in the room and he circled it, eventually getting to a box of my old clothes. He pulled one of my favorite sweaters out before curling back up with it, facing the orb and whimpering.

"Oh, Marty," I moaned as tears fell from my eyes and into the mirror, breaking up the image. I fell to my knees, but Lord Elrond pulled me immediately to my feet and to a bench. My legs could barely support me, I was so stricken with grief but he was finally able to guide me to a bench.

"My poor dog is mourning me," I sobbed, unable to control myself. "My fiance and my mother are going to my funeral. I can't believe I did this to them. I'm so fucking stupid!"

Lord Elrond didn't reply and said nothing for a long while, just kept his hand on my shoulder as I sputtered and cried into my hands. I tried to rein in my tears and keep myself from sobbing uncontrollably, but didn't work. Wordlessly, my lord produced a handkerchief and I did my best to dry my eyes and face. I returned it and he took it, looking at my tear stains sadly.

"Evil is a very strong force," he said, softly. "It can invade our lives without our realizing and destroy us from the inside. It is extremely enduring, and the evil that found you is stronger than most."

"How do you know that?" I asked, sniffling.

"Because you are strong," he replied with a smile that quickly faded. "That, and I have met this evil before."

I froze as he continued.

"This evil has plagued the lands of Middle-Earth for thousands of years. Despite our efforts, it endures in the darkest places of our land and there it gathers its strength. As of late, it has been dormant but I have seen signs of it stirring once again."

"So you're saying that this is where that sphere came from?" I voiced, praying to the Valar it wasn't true. To my utter dismay Elrond nodded, producing a sheaf of paper and a pencil from the folds of his robe.

"Would you mind drawing the sphere that attacked you?"

I gulped and took the utensils. I never wanted to revisit it in my mind for fear it would come after me once more. I closed my eyes, once again feeling brittle and weak and, like a reoccurring nightmare, it returned.

Trembling fingers put pencil to paper and I drew what stood before me, and only when the lead snapped did I open my eyes and see what I had produced. Elrond looked on at my creation, his face noticeably paling.

"What I had feared was correct," he sighed, taking the drawing from my hands. "This is a Palantir, or Seeing Stone. If one touches a Palantir, it will divulge the inner most secrets of the mind to whoever wields the other stones."

I felt myself pale. Someone out there, here on Middle-Earth, knew me more intimately than anyone else ever had and stolen my life from me.

"And, who did this?" I asked, chills running up and down my spine as I dreaded the answer.

"A horrible evil," Elrond answered. "A necromancer of unspeakable power… He is a terror that wishes to control all of Middle-Earth and will destroy everything he can to create his empire."

"And he killed me?" I questioned, almost unable to believe what I was hearing. "From a world away this man managed to kill me?"

"He can hardly be called a man," he said, his mouth forming a grim slash. "And as I have said, he is powerful. What the Palantir was doing in your world is something I do not understand. He is powerful, yes, but that is a different kind of magic."

I nodded. "I didn't realize the turmoil this place was under… Is it safe?"

He looked at me, frowning. "For the time being, you are safe here but it would be foolish of me to say Imladris will always be here."

He stood, offering his hand to me and helping me to my feet. "Let's adjourn to the Fire Room now. I'm sure you could use a cup of wine."

The idea of wine lifted my sinking spirits somewhat and the ugliness of my tear stained and puffy face had died down. I silently followed him out of the garden and down the hallways. We didn't go far, and suddenly we stood in front of a large, ornate door. Elrond pushed it open and I found myself staring at the Fire Room for the first time.

Directly across from me was a fire place big enough to fit five men in, with ample space. A roaring fire was blazing in it and the room smelled of sweet wood and herbs. In front of the fire, ellons and elleths lounged in chairs, on couches, and on the floor on blankets and pillows. Some chatted quietly, snacked, drank, or listened to a young elleth who strummed on a lute. Elladan and Elrohir were chatting with a group of pretty young elleths, smiles on their faces and wine in their hands. Arwen was no where to be seen.

Elrond led me over to a chair that I all but collapsed in, slumping into the upholstery and feeling myself melt. He put a hand on my shoulder.

"Wait here," he said. "I'll get you a cup of wine."

After he moved away, I allowed myself an open sigh. Despite the marvel of the Fire Room, I still felt melancholy. It was like a cork holding back all of my pain had been removed. I missed my mother and it was painful to know I would never see her again. I missed and loved Gabe so much it hurt, and I remembered the times where I had wondered what our children would look like and now they would never be born.

"What's with the sour face?"

I looked up to see Elladan standing over me, drink in hand and looking concerned.

"You look like someone broke your bow," he continued, picking at me to earn a smile. I gave him a sad half-smile.

"I miss my home is all," I halfheartedly tried to explain. He pulled a vacant couch over next to me and plopped down in it, taking a sip of whatever was in his cup.

"You know, I miss my mother," he said softly, looking into the contents of his drink. "She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and it feels like lifetimes since I've seen her smile."

"Where is she now?" I asked. We fell silent when Elrond returned, placing a small cup in my hands. He said nothing, but gave his son's shoulder a squeeze before moving away.

"She is with the Valar, now. In the Undying Lands," he answered softly. The pain in his face was evident and I found myself grabbing his hand and gently squeezing it. He squeezed back. "But I did not bring her up to make you sad. I speak of my mother to offer you hope. I will not lie and tell you the pain leaves, for it never does. It just becomes something you carry and you become used to it. And the best way to do that is move forward."

"I don't know," I mumbled and wiped away a tear.

"I do," Elladan said calmly. "Move forward. Keep your hands busy, walk through the woods. It's alright to miss your home, but you must move forward or you face the risk of not living."

I swallowed back my sadness for the time being and gave him a smile. "Alright."

Elrohir waltzed over to us and ruffled up his brother's hair. Elladan shoved him to the floor into a pile of pillows where the elf decided to fall asleep; having had a bit too much to drink. I took a gulp of the warm mulled wine that Elrond had given me and suddenly, my smile became genuine.


End file.
